Monday, February 10, 2014

How to Survive a Relationship with a Demon Lover

He's dark. He's brooding. He's gorgeous. and his origins might be less than earthly. Here are 10 tips if you decide he's worth the risk:

1) He'll be a night owl, so become one. (Goodbye big weekend breakfasts. Hello Denny's late night.)

2) Whenever he begins to brood, read him a funny part from a book (all DLs have literary fetishes), watch a comedy, or take a bubble bath together. (Third one always works!)

3) His family. If they're totally evil, they'll have hopefully been destroyed. If not, the usual things should work in keeping them away--holy water, silver, sea salt, etc; Remember, most times, they need to be invited. So don't do that.

4) Your family. Explain to them any allergies your DL might have (silver, salt, garlic), so accidents don't happen.

5) Get used to crows, black dogs, bats, wolves, and, inevitably, some sort of totemic insect--death's head moth, dragonfly, scarab--they'll be attracted to your DL. Ordinary cats and dogs, however, will not, so, no pets.

6) If he doesn't have a fortune in a tomb or the stock market, it might be best to encourage self-employment. (Artist. Writer. DLs are crafty!)

7) Make sure, if you ever go on vacation, he picks something you want, as he'll be drawn to gloomy places (Abandoned cities, ancient castles, Eastern Europe). If that's your thing, fantastic. Avoid cruises.

8) If you share a space, just add a bit of a classy Gothic touch to make your DL feel at home: a porcelain skull, a black accent wall, taxidermy animals.

9) Intimate moments. Needless to say, if he has supernatural strength or hazardous teeth, be careful.

10) Exes. If your DL has exes, most of them will, unfortunately--or fortunately, in some cases--be dead. (Hopefully, he won't have killed them.) You may need to perish one or two of his exes yourself.

Good Luck!

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